(Secretly) Rolling My Eyes at You

Just so you know, if you are one of the surprisingly many people I have had the following conversation with lately, I am secretly rolling my eyes at you.
Person: I want to play 8 Ball Express/Get my own 8 Ball Express team.
Me: Great!
Person: I only want to play on 9ft tables that are in brand new condition.
Me: Ok...
Person: I don't want to travel.
Me: Ok...
Person: I need to play with low ranked players.
Me: Ok...
Person: I need to play with hot chicks with low handicaps
Me: Ok...
Person: I need to play with low-ranked hot chicks and you have to find them for me.
Me: Ok....
Person: So, yeah, I ONLY want to play at one location, with 9ft tables in brand new condition, with hot chicks that have low ranks and against more hot chicks.
Me: Ok...
Person: Plus, all of the chicks have to be single and think I'm cute.
Me: Ok...
Person: And all must have poor moral fiber.
Me: Ok... (looking for closest exit)
Person: And I get up early for work so you'll have to play me 1st. (Added 8/1
/09)
Me: Ok. Well. Oh no! I think my car is on fire...gotta run!
Due to the sudden increased frequency of these conversations, I am beginning to wonder if 8 Ball Express is being accidentally advertised as a fantasy hotline. Wouldn't be surprised at this point. ;)